S21 E1 - The First Impression

Welp, here we go, folks. Another year, another season of The Bachelor. And another season of The Bach Tracker bringing you all the hot takes episode after episode. We're gonna do things a little differently around here this season as last year I started out on top of things, posting consistently for the first half of the season, before ultimately falling behind and not giving the people what they wanted (which was obviously a blog for every episode). Well, have no fear, I will be publishing my insight weekly this 21st season (21st? wtf?). Every Monday I'll have a post for you guys breaking down the past week's episode. A Monday Morning Bachelor Rewind, if you will. I've chosen Monday because what better way to forget about your weekend full of questionable decisions than a Bachelor refresher. You know what they say... "If you're having a bad day just remember, a girl got sent home night 1 of The Bachelor and cried her eyes out on national television because she thought they were soulmates". And by "they" I mean me. I'm the only one who's ever said that.

Alright, without further ado, let's get this thing rolling with some first impression analysis. Always an exciting episode meeting all the contestants as they step out of those limos. It's one thing to see their pictures on the Bachelor website, but it's a completely different, and better, type of judging you get to do once they step out of that limo and start talking...

The Bachelor

Nick, Nick, Nick. The BMOC. The 20th Bachelor in the history of this crazy, 8-week game of love. May as well say this right off the hop. Not a big fan of Nick. Can't exactly pinpoint it and I know he redeemed himself with a lot of people on Bachelor In Paradise, but there's just something that makes me question this guy. Maybe it's his side smirk, maybe it's his profession as a salesman. I dunno, but my mum always said ya can't trust anyone who does either. I guess we'll see how this thing plays out with him, but sure as hell wouldn't mind this season going up in flames. Maybe spice this show up with a final rose girl saying no. That'd be fun.

The Contestants

Alexis - 23 year old aspiring dolphin trainer from Jersey

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Alexis is clearly one of the boys. Like, she's the girl who farts around all the guys and no one second guesses it. Oh and an aspiring dolphin trainer because she's obsessed with dolphins? Ya, I wanted to work with the penguins at the Boston Aquarium when I got older. Then I turned 16.

Angela - 26 year old model from South Carolina

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't you". Ya, ooookkk, Angela. You show me a girl who wouldn't get chosen for The Bachelor and show up no matter who the guy was and I'll show you a god damn liar. 26 year old chicks value social media followers more than love, so get off your high horse with that nonsense. 

Astrid - 26 year old plastic surgery office manager from Tampa

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Talking dirty in German. This girl just might have what it takes to make an impression on Nick in order to stick around for a bit. Sex. Sex. Sex. Also, her passive aggressiveness is gonna be fun to watch. "Well last time I dated someone I didn't know they were dating other people, at least this time I know".

Briana - 28 year old surgical unit nurse from Salt Lake City

Literally didn't notice her until they stuck her on the screen before the rose ceremony. No surprise here.

Brittany - 26 year old travel nurse from Santa Monica
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You're either for butt play or against it. And this girl just came out swinging. I guess we'll see what Nick's thoughts on the subject matter are with whether or not he keeps Brittany around. Bold move from her indeed.

Christen - 25 year old wedding videographer from Tulsa
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So hot yet so awkward. What a shame. 

Corinne - 24 year old business owner from Miami
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Stay at home daughter who calls herself a "very serious businesswoman" because she's taking over her father's multi-million dollar business. I'd almost accept that (I'm a part time stay-at-home son myself,  so I respect that), but she had her "nanny" cut up and serve her a cucumber while she was working. Yup, serious businesswoman who still has a nanny taking care of her at 24. Got it. Oh, and fishing for someone to ask her if Nick kissed her after they talked? Yup, can't wait to see this girl and her insecurities start a war in the house this season.

Danielle L - 27 year old small business owner from LA
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Big fan of this girl. Opened her own nail salon at 23 and now owns three of them. With those looks and that resume, you gotta think Nick will take a long look at this one, especially after that initial introduction. My only fear is that I won't recognize her when they show her without makeup on...

Danielle M - 31 year old neonatal nurse from Nashville
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A tall, soft spoken, blonde babe from Smashville? Sign. Me. Up. Definitely my front-runner for this season. 

Dominique - 25 year old restaurant server from LA
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"I think fourth time's a charm". Ya, why don't you just punch him in the balls while you're at it? My gawd. Broken hearts are not a joking matter, lady.

Liz - 29 year old doula from Las Vegas
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The girl who has had a past connection with the Bachelor. Except Nick has no fucking idea who this girl is when he sees her. And make no mistake about it, Nick does not remember this girl. He plays it off later as if he does, but you can't tell me Chris didn't give him a heads up after that blank stair when she got out of the limo. And she tries to play it off as a good thing, because she "likes a little mystery". lolololololol ya, because girls loooooove when they have sex with a guy and he has no recollection of them when he sees them again. Yup, this should play out well. Getchya popcorn ready.

Elizabeth - 24 year old marketing manager from Dallas
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Kinda surprised this girl snuck a rose, tbh.

Hailey - 23 year old photographer from Vancouver
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"Hey, I'm not wearing any underwear, but I'm wearing a dress that's taller than me". Sorry, sweetheart, you're not gonna come close to competing with the last Vancouverite Nick fell in love with with that kind of weak shit. 

Ida Marie - 23 year old sales manager from Texas

No idea what kind've name that is, but hol-lee what an intro. Blue two-piece dress thing. White heels. Abs. Trust fall. Abs. Smoothest intro I've ever see. Shocking this girl is going home day 1. SHOCKING!

Jaimi - 28 year old chef from New Orleans
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"My hands are sweaty". Yup, good intro. Seems like the drinking type who will be kept around for 3 weeks by the producers and then ends up on Bachelor In Paradise.

Jasmine B - 25 year old flight attendant from Tacoma

When you look similar to another girl in the house and you both have the same name, one of you is going home day 1. Unfortunately for Jasmine B, she was the one.

Jasmine G - 29 year old pro basketball player from San Fran
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Ah, the 'ole bring the engagement ring guy with you to meet the Bachelor for the first time trick. Wait, what? Nope. Good for her being the first cryer of the season. Didn't see that one coming.

Josephine - 24 year old registered nurse from Santa Cruz
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Crazy cat lady? Well this won't last long...

Kristina - 24 year old dental hygienist from Kentucky
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Kentucky? Or Russia? Because this girl is straight out of The Americans. Probably sent here by Putin to figure out how the hell the US is making millions off of a stupid dating reality show. (Don't blame him) (Don't hack my computer and hunt me down, please, Russia)

Lacey - 25 year old digital marketing manager Manhattan
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A brash blonde from NYC? You don't say. I was ok with the intro until she kept repeating the "hump" punchline. No need to force that. I think Nick got the joke right away when you showed up on a camel. 

Lauren - 30 year old law school graduate from Naples

I give her props for using Nick and her last names as an ice breaker, but I still felt weird listening to her try to tie it all together. I'll give her props for that gold sequin dress though. Real decent.

Michelle - 24 year old food truck owner from LA

"So, I've heard your past relationships have been lemons, but let's see if we can make lemonade". Yawn.

Olivia - 25 year old apparel sales rep from Anchorage

Nothing cuter than Eskimo kisses. Almost masked her cackle and weird giddiness about meeting Nick.

Rachel - 31 year old attorney from Dallas
First Impression 🌹

The 'ole "work hard, play hard" girl. A wiley vet who's been in the game for years. No lack of confidence here. Won't be afraid to grind it out, so wouldn't be surprised to see Strahan Rachel make a decent run at the Final Rose.

Raven - 25 year old fashion boutique owner from Arkansas
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You don't name your child Raven if you don't plan on bringing her up mudding, shooting guns, and watching football. Not betting on her to cry this season, but I would 100% throw money down on her giving Nick a kick in the balls instead of a hug on her way out the door.

Sarah - 26 year old grade school teacher from Newport Beach, CA
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I wonder how long she spent thinking about that "runner up" intro thing...

Obviously going to be every girl's favorite after that "Oh my God, there's food" line as she walked into the mansion. Like this girl a lot, but the shy, sweet girls don't usually fair too well in this game.

Susannah - 26 year old account manager from San Diego

Not sure about the beard massage. Kinda weird.

Taylor - 23 year old mental health counselor from Seattle
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"White girls didn't like me because I was black, black girls didn't like me because I was white". Whoa, common now. No one would ever know you're biracial unless you told them, so let's take it easy with that and the "connections can be difficult" stuff. You grew up in Seattle in the 2000s. And also, probably shouldn't start your first convo with the Bachelor with a "before coming here my friends said, 'no, he's a complete piece of shit'".

Vanessa - 29 year old special education teacher from Montreal
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Fluent in three languages? Special education teacher? Smooth intro? Sure. Not positive, but I'd imagine teachers make for good parents, and seeing how Nick is huge on family, I'm gonna take the over Vanessa making it past week 6.

Whitney - 25 year old pilates instructor from Minnesota 
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Tall, in shape, brunette. I guess that's what Nick saw in her, because we didn't see or hear much else from her throughout the night.

So there it is. Night 1. Can't believe I'm saying this after watching a girl in a shark costume prance around the house making dolphin calls all night, but nothing crazy in the first episode. Other than sending Ida Marie home, Nick made the expected picks. And then your typical girl drama as everyone got pissed at the girl who kissed Nick first, but a surprising lack of behind the back shit talking. The one thing I'll never understand is when the shy girls who sit on the couch drinking get rattled because they don't get enough alone time with the Bachelor. Those girls obviously don't watch game film before coming on the show because no one ever gets anywhere with the Bachelor by sitting back and waiting for him to come to them when there's 20+ other girls in the house. If you wanna win this thing you gotta be on the attack from day one.

Nick should have a fun season though. Heard a lot of the girls say how they're lonely so that should pay dividends for Nick's hookup game. Loneliness, competition, and alcohol. What a combination.

Thanks for reading and we'll see ya next Monday.

xoxo

Bach Tracker

PS if you got my Michael Strahan reference for Rachel, kudos to you

Week 4 - Twin It To Win It

Alright, so looks like we're going to Vegas this week. And that is terrifying because you're an idiot if you don't think that means the main focus of this week is the twins. Listen; they were both smoking hot from the start (as long as they put their makeup on) and struggling to separate themselves from each other, so it was only a matter of time until Ben brought them on a one v one date. I said from the beginning, you either send both twins home, or you flip a coin and let one stick. You can't have identical twins running around and Ben knows it, so this is the week we finally separate the two.
Oh, and the screaming/crying reaction every girl had to this sign when arrived in Vegas made me want to stop watching the show. Give me a break. They legit couldn't be more dramatic and that makes me sick.


One on One with JoJo
My favorite part of the whole date was when the whole group of girls was watching from the hotel room at the beginning, laughing at the wind storm, and then Ben and her started kissing. I'm not Team JoJo, but the karma of that whole sequence make me laugh out loud.
I still don't know how no one corrected the microphone placement form last week, but JoJo was a hell of a lot smoother at moving the microphones out of the way to kiss Ben than Lauren B was...

JoJo is afraid to let her guard down because of her last relationship, but I'm starting to think that is every girl in this show. And honestly, I think thats every person out there. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't been in a relationship at some point that ended poorly because the other person wasn't 100% in. So ya, JoJo got sympathy points from Ben on her date, but opening up like that wasn't anything new.


Group Date
This one was legit miserable. One of the most difficult questions you can ask someone is "What is you're secret talent?". And then having to perform your secret talent in front of a packed house makes things that much worse. No, thank you.
I was trying to think of what my secret talent would be and I think I'd just juggle. So unentertaining, but so effective at the same time. God knows I can't play any instruments (the piano/keyboard is a work in progress) and unless you're a bottle of wine deep my singing is subpar.
Anyway, the fact that the girls were so insistent that Olivia had a secret talent she was hiding from them just proves how much real estate she owns in everyones head. Make no mistake about it, the girl's got zero talent, but everyone in the mansion thinks she's the perfect girl because of how confident she always is.


One on One with Becca
Maybe the worst possible start to a one on one date. Here, let me get this girl dressed up in a wedding dress, bring her to a chapel, and get down on a knee and almost ask her to marry me. Who every thought that was a good idea for a date is an idiot. Poor Becca legit thought Ben was going to cut the season short and ask her to marry him, but instead he was just messing with her. Not a good move by Ben.


Two on One Date with Emily and Haley
Not a good start for Haley. Probably should get rid of those pictures of her and her ex if she's even remotely serious about dating someone else. Not the best thing for Ben to be seeing when he walks into your bedroom.
Also not a good look when your twin sister (Emily) is telling the bachelor that you are having a hard time opening up and that you're not the better choice. Sibling rivalry at its finest.
And their mom did a pretty good job of guiding Ben as well, so not a surprise that he said good bye to Haley. She'll be back with her ex in no time though, so no worries.
PS - holy blue eyes on the mom. Wow.

Amada - ROSE
Pretty conservative performance at the group date. Did't stand out which is never a bad thing. A quiet week outta her, but just like her group date performance I think she did plenty to stay alive in the game for a bit.

Amber
Oh, weird. Amber is back talking shit about people (Olivia) at cocktail parties. Aaaand she's gone.
Also, can't believe she was crying whens he got sent home. There was legit zero connection the whole time she was there.

Becca - DATE ROSE
Felt bad for her on that one on one. Watching Ben marry randos at some random chapel in Vegas instead of going on a romantic date in the mountains was dumb. And her telling Ben she didn't open up enough to give Christ a chance last season is such a joke. Just admit you lost, because you don't make it to the final two if you don't open up to a guy.

Caila - ROSE
In terms of the twins, I'm right there with her. Legit can't figure out which twin is which.
As for her taste in comedians... Anyone who grew up watching Terry Fator on TV... mehh
Thought it was funny she was on her high horse after her hula dance though. Didn't look much better than Olivia's performance, tbh.
Oh, and telling Ben she doesn't know how to handle a group date setting because she has only had a one one one date is outrageous. Her one on one date was filling with Kevin Hart and Ice Cube. All you had to do was sit in the hot tub and make out with Ben, so calm down.

Emily - ROSE  , Haley
Who would have thought being stuck in Irish Dance classes would ever pay off. Well, lucky for the twins, their mum just bought one of them at least one more week on The Bachelor. Unfortunately for Haley, Ben can't tell the two apart so he had to send one home. Twin it to win it no more :(

Jennifer - ROSE
Legit the only one who didn't start to scream when she saw the sign welcoming the girls to Vegas. She's genuine and doesn't need to pretend to be excited about Ben. Oh, and she is extremely decent at twirling a button and can somehow hit a tennis ball more accurately than the majority of people.

JoJo - DATE ROSE
I know Ben has a soft spot for JoJo, but I'm not sold on her. "I'm pretty sure every single one of us kinda fell in love", makes me want to throw up. You're in the middle of Vegas, calm down. I'm just not into the drama, but I definitely respect her for letting Ben know how cautious she is about falling in love with a guy. A little refreshing knowing she won't be "falling in love" a month after meeting a guy.

Jubilee - ROSE
Most definitely did not see Jubilee as one to play the cello. Unreal secret talent. Also, unreal how bitter she is towards everyone. So I'm starting to have less and less sympathy towards her when the other girls in the house attack her.

Lauren B - GROUP DATE ROSE
Still think Lauren B is a front-runner, but definitely don't think she helped her cause immediately making out with Ben at the cocktail party then telling him how much she missed him. You can't go telling him how reserved you are with your feelings one week and then tell him how you can't comprehend the feelings you have for him the next week. And then tell him it's terrifying to think that you just had your last first date. My gaaawd. Be more contradicting. Jeesh

Lauren H - ROSE
Soooo, I guess Lauren H is ok with just sleeping with Ben. Make no mistake about it, if the Bachelor is going to make jokes to your face about when he gets to sleep with you, you're definitely not sticking around for the final rose...

Leah - ROSE
Noooo. Don't turn into one of the other girls and start talking shit about Olivia. We don't need that. Be pretty and normal and let Amber do the shit talking about everyone.

Olivia - ROSE
I just don't need her to be the center of attention at all times. I'm ok with her being confident, but its too much when she thinks she's getting the one on one date every single week. Like, Ben has other girls to tend to so give me ONE week where you don't think you're the center of attention. "Zen with Ben" my ass.
Oh, and definitely got an extreme case of second hand embarrassment watching her Vegas performance... Wabam, Shabam indeed!

Rachel
Good for her trying to take care of Olivia. Always have a soft sport for the girl who gets stuck taking care of the emotional wreck...

Week 3 - Attacking Jubilee

We're gonna start this week off with a little talk about the cocktail parties. They're my favorite part of every episode and so far this season, they haven't disappointed. You get a bunch of smoking hot girls all dressed up and give them bottomless cocktails and then throw their prized possession in the ring to fight over. What could possibly go wrong!? Add in the fact that every girl is terrified she'll be sent home if she doesn't get some alone time with Ben and you've got yourself a recipe for drama.
My biggest question regarding the cocktail parties are the rules. Is there an unwritten rule that if a girl comes and asks to "steal" Ben they must oblige? There has to be, right? Because if the girls are letting Olivia and Lace interrupt their alone time with Ben and theres no unwritten rule then I have no sympathy for them. Then again, I don't have much sympathy for them regardless. Everyone knows the game and everyone knows you can't just sit on the couch hoping Ben will walk over and ask you to talk. That never works, especially when you have crazies like Olivia and Lace hounding Ben at every party. But, hey, if you're gonna sit on the couch and talk shit about Olivia don't go bitching in the confessional when she takes all the alone time. I'm sure her and her gross toes and halitosis are perfectly ok with trading a little shit talk behind her back for alone time with Ben.


One on One Date with Lauren B
Pretty cool little date bringing Lauren B up in the bi-plane. The kisses couldn't have been any more awkward (who didn't think to put their microphones on the opposite sides of their heads!?), but an absolutely diabolical move having them fly right over the bachelor mansion. Can never have too many candid jealous comments from the other girls.

Not sure why Ben was so awkward after Lauren B said she wanted to meet his parents. Ya, I guess its a little soon to be wanting to meet family, but you just finished a perfect date by telling her about how in love your parents are and how your father almost passed away recently. You pretty much invited her to say that, so I don't blame her one bit. I'd say it was a red flag if she didn't say that.
If we learned anything from this one, it's that Ben has quite the hot tub fetish. Hopefully this becomes a weekly occurrence on his 1 on 1 dates, because I could really go for an episode in a few weeks where all the girls are sitting on the couch together and one by one start realizing that Ben has had them all in a hot tub at one time or another.


One on One Date with Jubilee
All the girls went bananas when Jubilee asked if anyone else wanted to go on her date. Not sure what the issue was, considering she was obviously joking around. Ya, she probably shouldn't have said it, but all the girls jumping down her throat was unnecessary. I actually got mad at my TV when Jami was saying how disrespectful it was. Shut up, Jami. Although, the fact that not one girl was like, "She's deathly afraid of heights, she was just joking around", makes me think Jubilee isn't liked very much in the house.
As for the date itself, it started with a bang when Jubilee said her favorite food is hotdogs...(?) Not sure I've ever heard someone choose hotdogs as their favorite food, minus my 4 year old nephew. Pretty interesting dynamic between the two of them. Ben is such a white boy and Jubilee, well... is not. I think her joking about the fact is making Ben feel more comfortable about it though, so good on her.
It didn't take long for us to get another hot tub scene, surprise surprise. And although Jubilee set the mood with that bikini, she quickly tried to kill it with her awkward word vomit. She warned us that she gets socially awkward when she's nervous, so it was only a matter of time.
Holy heavy with the family story. I thought she had opened up a lot last week, but that was nothing compared to this week. Pretty crazy to hear that she's lost her entire family. Definitely one of the most intense one on one's I've seen.
All in all, I think this date really helped Jubilee's chances. Wasn't looking good for her pre-one on one, but I think she made a name for herself after tonight.


Group Date
Great idea bringing the girls out to play soccer. Easy way to find out who's athletic while also seeing who's got the most makeup caked on and is afraid of sweating it off. A win-win situation. I was also pretty alarmed at how none of them had played soccer before. That just screams "I'm unathletic!", because soccer is actually the most quintessential (yes, I linked that to its definition because I look out for my readers) sport of young girls. Like every parent signs their kid up for some type of organized sport as a child and it's always soccer. It's the cheapest, easiest to participate in, and safest, so the fact that none of these girls have ever played is mind boggling.

This mighta been my favorite part of the whole date. They had a legit ref for the game and they gave him some face time! Guy got more face time than some of the girls this week.
PS I wonder how badly Ben wishes he was dating Alex Morgan instead of these girls who were stumbling all over the field...

Amanda - ROSE
Pretty quiet week for Amber, but she did a good job of consoling Ben at the last cocktail party. I'm still skeptical of her chances because of the kids though.


Amber - GROUP DATE ROSE
Amber needs to go. Can't have a girl around who just bitches about not getting time with Ben and talks shit about the other girls all the time. Like, I love the hustle, because no one likes a little drama on the Bachelor like I do, but enough is enough. It must be tough going through life being negative about every single thing that happens. I honestly think that if she hadn't gotten a rose earlier in the week, she would have been sent home after the shit she pulled at the cocktail party. You got your kiss, now shoo.


Becca - ROSE
I was pretty surprised to hear Becca bitching about Jubilee. She's been here before, so why is she acting like she's never seen a girl spend time with the Bachelor after getting a rose earlier in the week? Please don't turn into one of the complainers, Becca. Pleeeeaaase.


Caila - ROSE
Didn't see her turning into an emotional rollercoaster. You're just starting to realize Ben might fall for other girls? Ummm, its season 20, don't tell me you came on this show and it didn't set in that Ben might find love with someone other than you.
And let's get off of our high-horse here. You feel bad for Ben that he has to go on a date with Jubilee? Get outta here with that shit, Caila.


Emily & Hailey - ROSES
I'm lumping the twins together this week because I've given up on trying to figure out which is which. And unfortunately for them, their transition from all dolled up to no makeup at all is just as terrifying as Olivia's.
Last week I said Emily needed to do something drastic to take over Twin #1 status and she was well on her way as the MVP of the soccer game. But then she let in the winning goal and Hailey got to spend more time with Ben as a member of the winning team. Sooo, the twin rankings hasn't changed for this week. I can't imagine Ben will keep them both around too much longer. I'm thinking one of them will be gone within the next two weeks.


Jami
Dead to me. Ya, pretty immature of the girls to be talking shit about Olivia behind her back, but even more immature is running to Olivia to tell her all about it. Grow up, Jammi. This isn't high school. What are you gaining by running to Olivia to tell her that? Because I hate to break it to ya, Olivia isn't going to take it easy on you now. She's on this thing to win and just because you showed her companionship, it doesn't mean she's going to think twice about stealing Ben next time you two are off alone. Then again, we don't have to worry about that now, now do we?
Great rant after getting sent home though. A+ material! One of the best I've seen!


Jennifer - ROSE
Umm, you guys can keep thinking Jennifer isn't a threat, but I'm gonna go rewatch the soccer game where she went bar down from 20 yards out.


JoJo - ROSE
Twenty minutes into the episode and I was asking myself, "Why is JoJo the girl that everyone is venting and crying to?". They obviously trust her, so she must've actually taken the time to get to know the girls in the house. Only a genuine person would do that and for that reason, I think JoJo is going to be in this thing for the long haul.


Jubilee - DATE ROSE
I really didn't see Jubilee being so dramatic when this season started. Initially, I was in on her, but she is starting to fade on me. Just not a big fan of the, "I can't do this... I'm like, gonna throw up", as she's waiting to see who's name is on the date card with four other girls around. Having said that, you gotta feel for the girl when everyone in the house avoids her as if she's the plague. The rest of the house hates whatever girl gets a rose early in the week and unfortunately for Jubilee, that was her this week.
Her one on one date went well and she opened up a lot, so I still think she's sneaky going to make a decent run at the final rose.


Lace
Lace not knowing she could use her hands as the goalie in soccer was craziness. That's the one rule about soccer everyone knows. You can't use your hands unless you're the goalie.
As for her sending herself home... oldest trick in the book. Save yourself the embarrassment of being sent home during the rose ceremony and walk out on your own terms. Sad to see her go, but she pretty much talked herself off the show last week, so I'm not surprised in the least. Sure am gonna miss her though :(
Oh, and she does NOT know how to handle her alcohol well. Recipe for disaster on this show.


Lauren B - DATE ROSE
I'm all in on Lauren B. I said last week that I felt she was a front-runner and low and behold, here she is getting an unreal one on one date. She comes right out and says how she is reserved and protective of her heart, and that's exactly the type of girl that's gonna win this thing. And saying how she grew up with her parents instilling that she'd have to work for everything she'd get and that she plans to raise her children the same way gets her major brownie points. The girls got a good head on her shoulders and Ben would be stupid not to have this girl at the top of his rankings after week 3.


Lauren H - ROSE
Blah. Who's next...


Leah - ROSE
Not much going on with Leah this week, but she was part of the winning soccer team. So I guess that counted for something. Wouldn't be surprised to see her get a lot of face time next week though.


Olivia - ROSE
"Im in a relationship with Ben and its a good relationship". Ya, alright, sweetheart. You and 17 other girls at the moment
I honestly think Olivia is a stage five clinger. We're three weeks in and the girl is obsessed. The thing is though, I'm not sure if she's obsessed with Ben, or if she's obsessed with the notion of winning. It's very hard for me to believe that anyone can fall in love with someone after knowing them in a group setting for 2 weeks, so I'm really starting to think that Olivia is so set on winning for the sake of saying she won and not for the sake of falling in love.
As for the last cocktail party... what was she doing? Ben just finishes telling the girls how he lost two people close to him and then Olivia steals him away and starts crying about how she doesn't like her legs. Legit crying. How about consoling the poor guy instead of making everything about yourself.
Oh, and for the record... I think she's right about Ben doing subtle things to show he likes her. She may be crazy, but she isn't crazy for saying she feels good about things because Ben picked himself up off the couch by pushing off on her leg. Any guy will tell you that they've done that at a party to a girl they're interested in. Trick of the trade...


Rachel - ROSE
I guess playing through a cramp in your calf will get you a rose because she didn't really do much this week other than roll around on the soccer field injured. She may be on the chopping block for next week.


Shushanna
Still confused why she made it through last week. But at least we got to hear her try to talk shit to Jubilee, so that was fun.

Week 2 - Olivia's Mouth

Let's get into a few odds and ends from throughout the episode before I talk about the dates and each girl individually. First things first, the girls who continuously say that Ben is the "best Bachelor ever" and "the perfect Bachelor" are lunatics. We're a week into the game, ladies. Thats like saying Tom Brady was the best football player in history after his first season. Can Ben be the best ever? Maybe. Is he on the right track to be the best ever? Not even close. Having a girl reject a rose from you most certainly doesn't help your case, I'll tell ya that for free.

Another thing that didn't make sense to me was how upset the second set of girls got that Olivia was given the first rose. I don't care what you open up about at the cocktail party, if you think you should've gotten the rose instead of the girl who had the highest compatibility score, essentially winning the group date, you are out of your mind. It's an unwritten rule, if you win a group date, you get the date rose. Unless you wore a giant rose on your head to meet Ben. Then you're screwed either way.

Oh, and I must warn you all, take anything I say about Emily and Haley with a grain of salt. I literally have no idea who I'm looking at when they're on the screen. Unless ABC puts their names at the bottom. Which should be every time and not just once an episode.


High School Date
I actually liked the idea of bringing some of the girls back to high school and making them go through the educational ringer. For some reason I feel like some of these girls' strong suit isn't thee ole brain of theirs and I'd say intelligence is one of the more important aspects of a girl when you're thinking about marriage. Just wish the twins had been a part of this one. That amount of blonde woulda been a real treat for all of us.

"One of the most attractive things about this date to me is that I'm seeing these women really put themselves out there". Ya, I'm sure that's it, Ben. Definitely isn't the fact that you're watching a bunch of smokes pass apples to one another using their mouths...

The most mind boggling part of the whole date was when each team had to place Indiana on an outline of the US. If you're gonna tell me you're on the show for the right reasons at least do a little research beforehand and know where Ben's home state is located. I feel like that's the first thing I'm looking up about Ben after ABC calls me and tells me I'm coming on the show. And I'm not saying they should know exactly where Indiana is placed on the map, but let's be honest here. I'm willing to bet the majority of us wouldn't be able to place Indiana perfectly (myself included), but if you're from the states there is no excuse for thinking it sits horizontally by the east coast. Looking at you Becca and JoJo...

I had early money on Lace and Jubilee as the team to beat, but then they tried to high-five and I immediately regretted my decision.

Oh, and if you had Mandi beating Amber in the hurdle race you're a god damn liar. Nobody saw that coming.


One on One With Caila
I'm not a big fan of the one on one dates where they bring in celebrities to tag along. It's as simple as that. It just ends up being all about the celebrities and in this one there wasn't much going on. As for the dinner portion of the date, it's wild hearing how unconfident Ben is in regards to finding love. Like he actually thinks every girl will get to know him and send herself home. Crazy stuff.
Ben obviously had a good time with Caila throughout the whole date, but I feel like he would have had a great time regardless of what girl he brought. Just seemed like Ben enjoyed this date more so because of the activities than because of his company.


Love Lab Date
Once we got past the robot thing (kinda weird), I loved everything about how Dr. Love ran the testing. If I didn't know any better, I'd think ABC told him to put the girls through any test he wanted just as long as the girls were at each other's throats by the end of the day. Putting each girl on a bed in underwear with Ben while the rest of them watched certainly did the trick.

As for the whole science thing, I'm not sure I believe you can tell if someone is you're actual love match by running them through a bunch of tests. So, I'm looking at this one as more of a date that cant't help you, but can definitely hurt you (Looking at you and your 2.42 point score, Samantha)

Looks like we're getting a good look at the true Olivia. And it's kinda scaring me. I'll give it to her, she was the most compatible with Ben, but she sure is turning crazier and crazier by the minute.


Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party
In the eyes of literally everyone except Ben, Olivia had a tough go this week. Not gonna lie though, I completely agreed with her logic at the cocktail party. Just because you get a rose earlier in the week doesn't mean you should just sit back and watch as the other girls make their case to Ben. No one ever won this game by sitting on the couch sipping cocktails alone. Having said that, the way she talks to the other girls is going to get her punched in the face. Pretty surprised Lace didn't do the honors while they were talking one on one, to be honest.

Speaking of Lace, I found it pretty ironic how she was the one to get most upset at Olivia for spending too much time with Ben. How quickly she forgets the cocktail party after her group date. Then again, I guess I shouldn't expect her to remember how much time she spent with Ben considering she was hammered drunk the whole party...

Amanda - ROSE

Listen, I'm a big fan of Amanda, but holy emotional. One second she's got a smile ear to ear and the next she's balling her eyes out saying she doesn't know if she can continue being on the show. Your talk with Ben about having kids legit couldn't have gone any better. No reason to lose it when you don't get the group date rose. Relllaaax.

Amber - ROSE
Just a wily vet. Never really does anything, but somehow still manages to get the job done week in and week out. Can't imagine she'll be snaking too many more roses though with how little time Ben has been giving her. And honestly, I'm hoping that happens sooner rather than later because I'm not sure I can handle any more cocktail parties where she just sits on the couch and bitches about not getting time with Ben instead of walking over to him and asking to talk with him alone.


Becca - ROSE
I was definitely dogging Becca after her geography debacle, but holy shit can the girl shoot a basketball. I'm so confused by her. She's gorgeous, athletic, and the farthest thing from socially awkward. Just an all around cool girl, so it's confusing why she's 26 and still single. Need to know what's wrong with her, because there's gotta be something. And no, I'm not accepting its because she's a virgin.


Caila - DATE ROSE
I wasn't overly impressed with Caila. Yes, she did fine and made an impression on Ben, but at the same time, a girl's gotta work pretty hard to mess up a date where you spend a day with Ice Cube and Kevin Hart and then go to a private concert performed by Ben's favorite artist. Not to say she isn't in the discussion as being a front-runner, I'm just not sold on her yet.


Emily - ROSE
Emily is officially Twin #2. She's gonna have to do something soon to out-do her sister because I don't see Ben keeping both twins around for too much longer.


Haley - ROSE
"...like, what happens if you're not a perfect match with Ben? Is he gonna send you home?"
Ahh, ya. Kinda pointless to keep you around if science is saying you'll never work out, no? I'll give her credit though, she at least took initiative at her group's cocktail party and asked Ben to spend time with her.


Jackie
The whole apple bobbing debacle sure didn't help her cause. I think Lauren H spoke for Ben when she said, "Jackie is not great with her mouth... unfortunately".


Jami - ROSE
Don't really understand how she got a rose this week. She literally didn't talk to Ben once.


Jennifer - ROSE
This girl is awesome. So quiet and cute, but so confident with herself at the same time. If you're going to be quiet and not overly outgoing on this show, you have to be confident and Jennifer's confidence is far outweighing her quietness. You'd be a fool to think she'll be going home anytime soon.


JoJo - ROSE
"If you had a list, he checks off every single list". Oh, ok? This girl's in for a rude awakening once she realizes there's more to learn about Ben than what she's gathered from Instagram stalking him over the past 6 months prior to coming on the show. But then again, maybe she won't learn anything else considering she just likes to sit at the cocktail parties bitching and moaning about not getting any time with Ben.


Jubilee - ROSE
A good move opening up like she did. Obviously a big deal telling anyone about how you were adopted and grew up in an orphanage. And no, it wasn't a sympathy play as she wasn't on the chopping block.


Lace - ROSE
Listen, hunny. You can tell us how you're not crazy as much as you want, but when it's week 2 and you're dropping lines like "...I finally get a chance to get a rose, and get the ring" no one is going to believe you. At least wait until week 5 to start talking about the ring. Then again, she may not make it to week 5 if she doesn't stop suffocating Ben at every cocktail party. She's legit gonna talk herself right off the show with the amount of word vomit she's got going.


LB - ROSE
She's obviously got someone back home that she's not ready to give up on, so good for her for pulling herself from the competition. I mean, the "yayyy, I'm so excited, get me the hell out of here" face after she was called to go on a date was a dead giveaway that she wasn't all in on Ben...

Lauren B - ROSE
Not much face time this week, but Ben giving her a picture of the first time they met makes me think she's a front-runner. And it doesn't hurt that she's one of the most attractive girls on the show, with or without makeup. Hopefully we'll see more of her next week.


Lauren H - ROSE

The face Lauren H made after hearing they'd be going to school for their date, makes me really want to see what her report card looked like in high school...


Leah - ROSE
Not much face time this week, but I feel like she's safe for now. I'd be much more worried if I were one of the girls who went on one of the dates and hardly got any attention from Ben. Not the best situation for Leah, as she stated when she told him she thought he had forgotten about her, but he seems to be interested in her enough to keep her around for a bit. 


Mandi
It's not every episode you watch a girl win a group date outright and then get sent home at the rose ceremony. Figured her performance would buy her at least one more week of Ben time.


Olivia - GROUP DATE ROSE
Full disclosure, I didn't recognize Olivia when I saw her at the beginning of the episode. Just a completely different girl without makeup.
Getting the first rose of the season can sometimes be the kiss of death and I'm afraid that's what's happening here. She is just so overly confident now. Gotta respect the game if you're gonna win it and acting as if you're the only girl on the show is not respecting the game. And yes, Haley was spot on. It is most definitely Olivia vs. the rest of the house.


Rachel - ROSE
Another girl with no face time this week. I guess shouting out, "You look niiice", as Ben walked into the final cocktail party really made an impression on the big man.


Samantha
A 2/10 on the compatibility test is gonna get you kicked off the show 100 out of 100 times. That's not me talking, thats science. Numbers never lie. And neither does the fact that you have a sour smell. That's something you'll never come back from.


Shushanna - ROSE
"I think chemistry it's number one thing between relationship". I mean ya, you aren't wrong, but you definitely aren't right. I feel like speaking the same language might be kind of important too...