S21 E3 - The Year Of The Interracial Couple?

Cocktail Party

I'll tell ya what... kudos to Nick on how he handled that Liz situation. Was starting to get excited that that was heading in the wrong direction for him, but he salvaged it pretty well. Unfortunate for us, good for him. Definitely did the right thing in opening up and explaining the situation and letting the rest of the girls know he'd answer any questions or concerns they had though. 

As for the girls... is this real life? Ya, I get it, they're gonna be confused and concerned if a girl is in the house who Nick has had a past with. Definitely unfair to them. But (and this is a big "but"), what the hell is the uneasiness towards Nick that some of them are still talking about? He literally stood in front of them all and explained that he sent Liz home because he didn't feel it was fair to the girls to have her there and that he felt a stronger connection with the other girls in the house. It's the second week. Makes zero sense why any of them would still be freaking out about that after she's been sent home. The girls who understood his situation and realized he handled it the right way are the girls who will make a run at winning this thing.

Nick hit the nail on the head telling Corinne that she's a treat. She's got something new and entertaining for us every week and this week was no different. That whole whipped cream thing was a lot more uncomfortable than sexy, but it definitely did the trick in creating more mayhem within the house. Corinne is that girl in college that you never spend any time with throughout the school week, but come Friday night at 1am when you're 15 beers and 7 fireball shots deep you shoot that "you up?" text to and she shows up at your dorm room in a tiny little dress. You'd never bring her home to your parents, but she's quite the story to tell the boys. 

Group Date #1

A good ole' dancing date. Classic. If you can't be hooking up with all the girls during the season, no better way to see who's gonna be good in bed than to see who can and can't dance. If you can dance in front of hundreds of strangers you can most definitely "rock your body" (see what I did there?) in the bedroom. Now, having said that, Corinne could be the worst dancer I've ever seen (and I suck at dancing so that's saying something). So there is no doubt in my mind that she's been trying to be the first to have sex with Nick because she knows she's not good in bed. It doesn't matter how good it is, there's always a certain prestige in being the first. 

Just such a savage move making all the girls stand on stage and watch as Nick slow danced with Danielle while being serenaded. Even better that Danielle just rubbed it in all of their faces by making out with him mid song. 

Finally came out that Corinne has a nanny. Just so preposterous that a 24 year old has a nanny. And it's not like her nanny does anything difficult, which is what confuses me the most. Like she's explaining how her nanny cuts her cucumbers and makes her salads. Shit, I'll be someone's male nanny (is that called a butler?) to cut up and make their food and do their laundry and clean their spoons. I imagine Corinne's family pays this lady around $50k to live at their house and take care of her, so ya, sign me the eff up!

One On One Date

Interesting date choice. I feel like the majority of people would get nauseous with that zero gravity thing, so probably not the best first date to bring a girl on. It's all fun and games until you're holding your date's hair as she throws up in a paper bag. 

I think the most shocking part of this whole date was that Nick kissed her after she had thrown up. What an animal! At least wait until the plane lands and she can go brush her teeth or get a drink or do anything to get that vomit smell out of her mouth. My gawd.

Got to know a little more about Vanessa's personal life at the dinner portion of the date and if you believe in fate, then you've gotta think she's going to win this thing after that story about getting roses at her grandfather's funeral. And if you don't believe in fate, you always gotta put your money on a girl who can make a guy cry. Date number one and Vanessa is already running Nick's show. 

Group Date #2

The US beating the Soviets, Buster Douglas beating Tyson, The Donald beating Hillary, Astrid winning this group date. The biggest upsets this world has ever seen. My jaw literally hit the ground when they showed Astrid jogging with only one sports bra on Astrid picked up that giant plastic ring at the finish line and jumped into the hot tub with Nick. Could not believe what I had just seen. Show me someone who thought Rachel was going to lose that race and I'll show you a god-damned liar.

Talk about your all-time backfires for Nick though. Starting to see a theme in these group dates and it's that Nick is looking for a breeder so he can have himself some athletic kids. And I hate to say it, but Astrid is not the most athletic chick on the show this season. I mean, he couldn't even cheers to her winning. He had to cheers to her "doing whatever it takes". Back to the drawing board for Nick. 

Pool Party

Ok, so this is actually a serious question. I know guys do pushups before they go to the beach so they look jacked (I don't do that because being jacked means you're a loser and spend a lot of time in the gym and having a decent body means you like to party. And girls like guys who like to party), but do girls do squats before they are seen in bikinis? Because I think thats what I just saw and it actually kinda makes sense...?

Anyway... this whole pool party thing is just a ploy to see what kinda bodies these girls are working with. I don't blame him. Not one bit. Clothes can be very deceiving (looking at you Corinne). Just wish he had made them all jump in the pool so he could have seen them without makeup as well. But that whole makeup thing is for another blog.

How did this moon bounce thing happen with Corinne? Were the producers just like, "hey, Corinne, we're gonna set up a moon bounce for you so you can try to have sex with Nick again in hopes that all the other girls watch"? Because that is exactly how I imagine it happening. That or Corinne called her nanny and had it delivered to the house. Either way it was perfect. Needed more mayhem in the house this episode and Corinne delivered, per usual.

Nick is like a little puppy dog. Vanessa brings him to the side and he instantly knows he's done something wrong and looks so guilty before she even says anything and is like ya, you got me, I'm sorry after she calls him out. Reminds me of when I come home and my dog is standing in the corner with her head down and then I see trash all over the kitchen. I'm pissed, but she knows she's done something wrong and I like her too much to stay mad at her. Exactly how Nick is whenever a girl calls him out for being an idiot with Corinne.

Alexis 🌹

Not surprised Alexis is athletic. If you're gonna be one of the boys you gotta be athletic to hold your own. I'll tell ya what though... don't let Alexis get hot. Walks in wearing a shark onesie as an afterthought and next thing you know she's take a ride in the fantasy suit... literally.

Astrid 🌹

AstriDD. wow

Brittany 🌹

Ya, so they showed Brittany without makeup at the beginning of the show and I actually didn't recognize her. Never a good thing to be that girl. 

Christen 🌹

She was hiding in the back, but she was as painful to watch dance as Corinne was.

Corinne 🌹

The gift that keeps on giving. Just a walking tornado, creating mayhem everywhere she goes. Hilarious that she doesn't care if girls have sex with Nick, but just as long as it's after she's already done it. Even more hilarious that she started balling her eyes out because she didn't get to hook up with Nick in the courtyard as part of her plan. Totally redeemed herself not showing up to the Rose Ceremony though. Just such a power move. 

Danielle L 🌹🌹

Points to Danielle for understanding Nick's situation with Liz and realizing he handled it perfectly. Even more points for sitting down and articulating to him that she feels like she could fall in love with him if they continue to grow and get to know one another as they have the past two weeks. And never a bad thing being a great dancer. Definitely at the top of the leaderboard so far. 

Danielle M 🌹

She definitely fell a couple spots in the power rankings this week. Tough to hold the top spot when you're pretty much non-existent. 

Dominique 🌹

If you're throwing a javelin off your own back, you've got no one but yourself to blame if you get zero attention from Nick. Emotional instability will get ya sent home 9/10 times. Tell ya that for free.

Elizabeth

"If anything happens here, I don't know how I'm going to feel." Uhh, what? This ain't the '50s, sweetheart. People hookup before they're married these days. Sounds like someone who knew she was on her way out the door and wanted to throw out some safety quotes for people to think she didn't want to be around anymore.

Hailey

I'm not too upset Hailey was sent home. Really didn't do anything memorable. That dress wasn't a bad way to be sent out of the house though. Holy cleavage.

Jaimi 🌹

Pretty poor outing from Jaimi. I was expecting a lot more outta her during the group date. I'm afraid she's hanging by a thread here.

Jasmine G 🌹

A choreographed dance on stage with the Backstreet Boys. The group date was literally made for Jasmine. Has to be extremely disappointing for her to not win that date. Jasmine is in real trouble here. In order to win this game you can't get focussed on anything other than the Bachelor and, unfortunately, she just bitches about Corinne the majority of the time.

Josephine 🌹

That song should get her sent right out to the next limo headed to the airport.

Kristina 🌹

Russian Spy.

Lacey

Real confused by this girl. Would sit there and agree with all the girls talking shit about Corinne, but was always the one right there next to Corinne when she had a problem. Ehh, whatever, she's gone. Interested to see who will take her spot as Corinne's second hand woman.

Rachel 🌹🌹

She didn't even win and she still got the rose. That group date was for Rachel, make no mistake about it. The hopes of an interracial couple are alive and well!

Raven 🌹

Yeesh. The sacrificial lamb. There's always a girl in the house who the other girls see right through. And then there's always the girl in the house who decides to be the first to tell the Bachelor about that girl. Ya, that girl is never the winner. But the rest of the girls certainly thank you for sacrificing yourself.

Sarah 🌹

Didn't see much out of Sarah this week, but still think she's safe because of those looks.

Taylor 🌹

Another girl who is way too caught up in Corinne. It's a shame, because if she focused on Nick instead of Corinne, she'd probably make a run at the Final Rose.

Vanessa 🌹🌹

Definitely in my top 3. A serious contender as long as Nick doesn't start hooking up with a bunch of the girls making her want to leave. Vanessa is exactly what Nick needs. A girl who will wear the pants in a relationship, because we all know he can't. She absolutely runs his show and he knows it.

Whitney 🌹

We're at a point where Whitney has done shit on camera so far this season, but she's never in doubt. Starting to think this is one of those girls who gets zero face time early in the season because she gets all the face time towards the end...



I don't want to speak too soon, but I think we have a legit shot at ending this season with an interracial couple. Danielle L and Rachel are serious contenders here and I wouldn't be surprised to see either of them mess around and get a Final Rose. I guess only time will tell, but you heard it here first...

xoxo
Bach Tracker

S21 E2 - Corinne's A Psycho

Epi 2 and we've officially found this season's psycho. Congrats Corinne, good to have ya. Could not be less surprised at how annoying this girl is. She's 24, living at home on her father's dime, and still has a nanny. If finding that out during her intro didn't raise a giant red flag then I don't know what will. Pretty excited to see what's in store for us, because if I have learned anything as the Bach Tracker, it's that the crazy in the house always creates mayhem up until her demise. And everyone knows mayhem in the house is why we watch this beautiful game. We'll talk more about Corinne's antics, but let's get into breaking down the group date...

Group Date #1

Not sure how I felt about this group date. On one hand, I liked the idea of a wedding shoot, but on the other I didn't understand why some girls were brides and some were bridesmaids. Just a slap in the face for the girls who had to be bridesmaids. How are you supposed to show your connection with Nick and win the group date if you have to stand by his side as a bridesmaid while one of the pretend brides cozies up with him for the pictures.

As for the date itself, lol at Taylor thinking Corinne is specifically targeting her when she says she's going to kiss Nick again. Sorry, Taylor, as much as you think Nick and you have such a strong connection after one night, I don't think you're gonna be at the top of the list of girls Corinne needs to be worried about. Especially after telling Nick that you're "really starting to like" him. Slow down, lady, you've literally spent 10 minutes alone with him. Nobody likes the overly emotional girl.

Not sure how that guy picked Corinne as the winner. Everything about her photoshoot was just so over the top. Would love to know who would actually take real wedding photos topless in a pool, because I felt like I was watching a Maxim shoot, not a mock wedding shoot. I guess the bright side is we'll see if Nick has changed at all since past seasons. If he has, Corinne won't be around for long.

The cocktail party after the group date was everything you'd expect. Every girl just bitching about Corinne behind her back, but not saying a word to her face when she was sitting with them. It's still one of the great mysteries to me as to why the majority of the girls that come on The Bachelor think they can just sit back and wait for Nick to come seek them out for some alone time. Just get off your ass and go interrupt whatever girl Nick is talking to. There's obviously a rule that if a girl interrupts you, you have to get up and leave because I have never seen a girl say no when another girl has come and asked to talk to the Bachelor. Like, ya, bitch move by Corinne going and interrupting multiple girls, but commonnnn, you gotta be a little bit aggressive if you expect to make an impression with 20+ other women in the house still.

The most surprising part of the group date was that there wasn't an absolute cat fight after Nick gave Corinne the group date rose. Pretty disappointed with all the girls bitching out and not even saying a word to Corinne when she was rubbing it in their faces. Hopefully that changes next time she starts running her mouth. On the bright side, it's good to see Nick hasn't become a changed man like he's claimed. Tough to believe him on that one when he's giving the first group date rose to the girl who took her top off and had him feel her up in front of the rest of the girls. Not a good look for our boy.

One On One Date

Pretty fucking awesome idea for a one on one date. Helicopter ride along the coast and then we'll just land this thing on a multi-million dollar yacht so we can drink champagne and make out in the hot tub on the top deck. And even better that he picked Danielle M as his date. She was my pick last week as my front-runner for this season, so ya, ho-hum.

Holy bombshell at the one on one dinner. Obviously that story about her fiancé overdosing is terribly sad, but she now has something in common with Nick that none of the other girls do. They both have been on the verge of marriage with someone they love to have it taken away from them. Will that type of connection, I would be extremely shocked to see Nick send Danielle home any time soon. I just hope she doesn't get too shy and bland for him in the coming weeks, because I don't see Nick as at the one capable of wearing the pants in a relationship.

For as shitty as he handled the group date, giving Corinne the rose, Nick definitely made up for it with how he handled Danielle opening up to him at the one on one date.

Group Date #2

Sooo, Liz made this extremely awkward for everyone. Like, I'm pretty sure those were supposed to be fake breakup skits, but Liz made hers real. And I'm very confused by it. But then again, I'm confused by a lot of things girls do. I have no idea why Liz thinks Nick didn't fight for her after they had drunken sex even though he asked for her number and she turned him down, but in my mind, it makes total sense that she thinks that way. "Maybe you asked for my phone number, but I didn't really know you". Uhhh ya, but see, when you have sex with someone the whole "I don't know you" excuse for not exchanging phone numbers goes right out the window. And then for her to say that she didn't want him to get the wrong impression. Man. So outrageous for her to think that, but it's just typical girl logic. Makes zero sense to anyone but themself.

Having said that... what the hell is Nick doing? You know how you squash this asap? You immediately pull Liz aside and figure that shit out. Don't go walking off with other girls first when all you're wondering is if Liz has started telling people about your random hookup a few months back. And then you got Christen just pouring fuel on the fire. Common, Nick. Be smart for me one time. Good on him for sending her home though. She was about to start tearing that house apart.

Alexis

Went from wearing a shark onesie night one to being the pregnant bride at the mock wedding photoshoot. Ya, gonna go out on a limb and say she's not being taken seriously. But hey, Happy Boobday!

Astrid

The only thing I noticed about Astrid this week was her awkwardly snapping a rose over her knee during her fake breakup speech. 

Brittany

I actually thought Brittany should have won the group date. That guy gave her a leaf bikini bottom to wear and somehow she was perfect parts shy and confident walking around in front of a group of random girls topless. Though I guess it helps your confidence when you have an A+ body.

Christen

"I would never say a word about it...". Aaaand ten minutes later Christen is running her mouth to Nick and the other girls. Snitches get stitches, Christen. 

Corinne 🌹

She's obviously got a screw or ten loose, but I think Corinne may have a drinking problem. The more I sit there and listen to her talk, the more I think she's the drunk girl at the party. And honestly, I think that would be better than just actually being a self absorbed bitch. Like there's no way any girl immediately says the shit Corinne has said when you are thrown into a group of complete strangers. It has to be the alcohol speaking. And holy bloodshot eyes during her confessionals at the group date cocktail party. Something to keep an eye on for sure.

Danielle L

I was real high on Danielle last week, but didn't see much out of her this week. And to be honest, I feel like having to dress up as the one legit bridal gown may have been worse than dressing as a bridesmaid. A little too soon to be seeing a real bride in front of you if you're Nick.

Danielle M 🌹

Still my front-runner. Go Danielle go

Dominique

Actually didn't see Dominique once this episode.

Liz

Liz was just begging for the other girls to find out that she has a past with Nick. And I really don't see why she would ever want any girl in the house to know that she slept with Nick. Nothing good could ever come from that. At least if you're gonna start telling people leave out the part where you refused to give him your number. Turning Nick down when he asks for your number and then coming on the show a month later claiming you have all the best intentions just don't go together. 

Elizabeth

Poor Elizabeth was MIA again this week. Definitely never a good start being invisible the first two episodes of a season.

Hailey

Hailey just seems like she's way too mature for this game. Wouldn't be surprised if she walks out the door on her own accord.

Jaimi

Never a bad move playing the "I hookup with girls" card. Can't knock that hustle.

Jasmine G

Tough bounce for Jasmine drawing a short stick and having to be a bridesmaid. Not a big fan of her attitude, so I wasn't too upset about it.

Josephine

After that slap in the face, I'm starting to think Josephine is the undercover band geek freak who's just waiting to crawl out of her shell.

Kristina

Still don't feel safe talking about Kristina just in case she really is a Russian spy.

Lacey

Just so ditzy and oblivious to everything. Can't imagine this will last too long. 

Rachel

First impression rose to almost zero face time this week. Hmmm...

Raven

Sooo, did not see Raven having been cheated on in her last relationship. I feel like Raven is the type of girl you don't cheat on. Legit would be afraid she'd show up with a shotgun if she caught me with another girl. Pretty smart of her to open up about that with Nick though. Having something like that in common with the Bachelor is always a plus.

Sarah

If Corinne should feel threatened by anyone, it's Sarah. She made for one helluva Vegas bride.

Taylor

lol at Taylor thinking Corinne is specifically targeting her when she says she's going to kiss Nick again. Sorry, Taylor, as much as you think Nick and you have such a strong connection after one night, I don't think you're gonna be at the top of the list of girls Corinne needs to be worried about. Especially after telling Nick that you're "really starting to like" him. Slow down, lady, you've literally spent 10 minutes alone with him. Nobody likes the overly emotional girl.

Vanessa

Vanessa is another girl who seems like she's too mature for this whole thing. Hopefully she doesn't throw in the towel.

Whitney

Where was this girl?

Decent second episode. Hopefully Corinne can follow up her performance with another good one this week. My thoughts and prayers are with her family though. Can't imagine they're enjoying the show so far.

xoxo

Bach Tracker

PS Why does ABC not end every episode with a rose ceremony? Don't they know it messes with my blogging? 

S21 E1 - The First Impression

Welp, here we go, folks. Another year, another season of The Bachelor. And another season of The Bach Tracker bringing you all the hot takes episode after episode. We're gonna do things a little differently around here this season as last year I started out on top of things, posting consistently for the first half of the season, before ultimately falling behind and not giving the people what they wanted (which was obviously a blog for every episode). Well, have no fear, I will be publishing my insight weekly this 21st season (21st? wtf?). Every Monday I'll have a post for you guys breaking down the past week's episode. A Monday Morning Bachelor Rewind, if you will. I've chosen Monday because what better way to forget about your weekend full of questionable decisions than a Bachelor refresher. You know what they say... "If you're having a bad day just remember, a girl got sent home night 1 of The Bachelor and cried her eyes out on national television because she thought they were soulmates". And by "they" I mean me. I'm the only one who's ever said that.

Alright, without further ado, let's get this thing rolling with some first impression analysis. Always an exciting episode meeting all the contestants as they step out of those limos. It's one thing to see their pictures on the Bachelor website, but it's a completely different, and better, type of judging you get to do once they step out of that limo and start talking...

The Bachelor

Nick, Nick, Nick. The BMOC. The 20th Bachelor in the history of this crazy, 8-week game of love. May as well say this right off the hop. Not a big fan of Nick. Can't exactly pinpoint it and I know he redeemed himself with a lot of people on Bachelor In Paradise, but there's just something that makes me question this guy. Maybe it's his side smirk, maybe it's his profession as a salesman. I dunno, but my mum always said ya can't trust anyone who does either. I guess we'll see how this thing plays out with him, but sure as hell wouldn't mind this season going up in flames. Maybe spice this show up with a final rose girl saying no. That'd be fun.

The Contestants

Alexis - 23 year old aspiring dolphin trainer from Jersey

🌹

Alexis is clearly one of the boys. Like, she's the girl who farts around all the guys and no one second guesses it. Oh and an aspiring dolphin trainer because she's obsessed with dolphins? Ya, I wanted to work with the penguins at the Boston Aquarium when I got older. Then I turned 16.

Angela - 26 year old model from South Carolina

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't you". Ya, ooookkk, Angela. You show me a girl who wouldn't get chosen for The Bachelor and show up no matter who the guy was and I'll show you a god damn liar. 26 year old chicks value social media followers more than love, so get off your high horse with that nonsense. 

Astrid - 26 year old plastic surgery office manager from Tampa

🌹

Talking dirty in German. This girl just might have what it takes to make an impression on Nick in order to stick around for a bit. Sex. Sex. Sex. Also, her passive aggressiveness is gonna be fun to watch. "Well last time I dated someone I didn't know they were dating other people, at least this time I know".

Briana - 28 year old surgical unit nurse from Salt Lake City

Literally didn't notice her until they stuck her on the screen before the rose ceremony. No surprise here.

Brittany - 26 year old travel nurse from Santa Monica
🌹

You're either for butt play or against it. And this girl just came out swinging. I guess we'll see what Nick's thoughts on the subject matter are with whether or not he keeps Brittany around. Bold move from her indeed.

Christen - 25 year old wedding videographer from Tulsa
🌹

So hot yet so awkward. What a shame. 

Corinne - 24 year old business owner from Miami
🌹

Stay at home daughter who calls herself a "very serious businesswoman" because she's taking over her father's multi-million dollar business. I'd almost accept that (I'm a part time stay-at-home son myself,  so I respect that), but she had her "nanny" cut up and serve her a cucumber while she was working. Yup, serious businesswoman who still has a nanny taking care of her at 24. Got it. Oh, and fishing for someone to ask her if Nick kissed her after they talked? Yup, can't wait to see this girl and her insecurities start a war in the house this season.

Danielle L - 27 year old small business owner from LA
🌹

Big fan of this girl. Opened her own nail salon at 23 and now owns three of them. With those looks and that resume, you gotta think Nick will take a long look at this one, especially after that initial introduction. My only fear is that I won't recognize her when they show her without makeup on...

Danielle M - 31 year old neonatal nurse from Nashville
🌹

A tall, soft spoken, blonde babe from Smashville? Sign. Me. Up. Definitely my front-runner for this season. 

Dominique - 25 year old restaurant server from LA
🌹

"I think fourth time's a charm". Ya, why don't you just punch him in the balls while you're at it? My gawd. Broken hearts are not a joking matter, lady.

Liz - 29 year old doula from Las Vegas
🌹

The girl who has had a past connection with the Bachelor. Except Nick has no fucking idea who this girl is when he sees her. And make no mistake about it, Nick does not remember this girl. He plays it off later as if he does, but you can't tell me Chris didn't give him a heads up after that blank stair when she got out of the limo. And she tries to play it off as a good thing, because she "likes a little mystery". lolololololol ya, because girls loooooove when they have sex with a guy and he has no recollection of them when he sees them again. Yup, this should play out well. Getchya popcorn ready.

Elizabeth - 24 year old marketing manager from Dallas
🌹

Kinda surprised this girl snuck a rose, tbh.

Hailey - 23 year old photographer from Vancouver
🌹

"Hey, I'm not wearing any underwear, but I'm wearing a dress that's taller than me". Sorry, sweetheart, you're not gonna come close to competing with the last Vancouverite Nick fell in love with with that kind of weak shit. 

Ida Marie - 23 year old sales manager from Texas

No idea what kind've name that is, but hol-lee what an intro. Blue two-piece dress thing. White heels. Abs. Trust fall. Abs. Smoothest intro I've ever see. Shocking this girl is going home day 1. SHOCKING!

Jaimi - 28 year old chef from New Orleans
🌹

"My hands are sweaty". Yup, good intro. Seems like the drinking type who will be kept around for 3 weeks by the producers and then ends up on Bachelor In Paradise.

Jasmine B - 25 year old flight attendant from Tacoma

When you look similar to another girl in the house and you both have the same name, one of you is going home day 1. Unfortunately for Jasmine B, she was the one.

Jasmine G - 29 year old pro basketball player from San Fran
🌹

Ah, the 'ole bring the engagement ring guy with you to meet the Bachelor for the first time trick. Wait, what? Nope. Good for her being the first cryer of the season. Didn't see that one coming.

Josephine - 24 year old registered nurse from Santa Cruz
🌹

Crazy cat lady? Well this won't last long...

Kristina - 24 year old dental hygienist from Kentucky
🌹

Kentucky? Or Russia? Because this girl is straight out of The Americans. Probably sent here by Putin to figure out how the hell the US is making millions off of a stupid dating reality show. (Don't blame him) (Don't hack my computer and hunt me down, please, Russia)

Lacey - 25 year old digital marketing manager Manhattan
🌹

A brash blonde from NYC? You don't say. I was ok with the intro until she kept repeating the "hump" punchline. No need to force that. I think Nick got the joke right away when you showed up on a camel. 

Lauren - 30 year old law school graduate from Naples

I give her props for using Nick and her last names as an ice breaker, but I still felt weird listening to her try to tie it all together. I'll give her props for that gold sequin dress though. Real decent.

Michelle - 24 year old food truck owner from LA

"So, I've heard your past relationships have been lemons, but let's see if we can make lemonade". Yawn.

Olivia - 25 year old apparel sales rep from Anchorage

Nothing cuter than Eskimo kisses. Almost masked her cackle and weird giddiness about meeting Nick.

Rachel - 31 year old attorney from Dallas
First Impression 🌹

The 'ole "work hard, play hard" girl. A wiley vet who's been in the game for years. No lack of confidence here. Won't be afraid to grind it out, so wouldn't be surprised to see Strahan Rachel make a decent run at the Final Rose.

Raven - 25 year old fashion boutique owner from Arkansas
🌹

You don't name your child Raven if you don't plan on bringing her up mudding, shooting guns, and watching football. Not betting on her to cry this season, but I would 100% throw money down on her giving Nick a kick in the balls instead of a hug on her way out the door.

Sarah - 26 year old grade school teacher from Newport Beach, CA
🌹

I wonder how long she spent thinking about that "runner up" intro thing...

Obviously going to be every girl's favorite after that "Oh my God, there's food" line as she walked into the mansion. Like this girl a lot, but the shy, sweet girls don't usually fair too well in this game.

Susannah - 26 year old account manager from San Diego

Not sure about the beard massage. Kinda weird.

Taylor - 23 year old mental health counselor from Seattle
🌹

"White girls didn't like me because I was black, black girls didn't like me because I was white". Whoa, common now. No one would ever know you're biracial unless you told them, so let's take it easy with that and the "connections can be difficult" stuff. You grew up in Seattle in the 2000s. And also, probably shouldn't start your first convo with the Bachelor with a "before coming here my friends said, 'no, he's a complete piece of shit'".

Vanessa - 29 year old special education teacher from Montreal
🌹

Fluent in three languages? Special education teacher? Smooth intro? Sure. Not positive, but I'd imagine teachers make for good parents, and seeing how Nick is huge on family, I'm gonna take the over Vanessa making it past week 6.

Whitney - 25 year old pilates instructor from Minnesota 
🌹

Tall, in shape, brunette. I guess that's what Nick saw in her, because we didn't see or hear much else from her throughout the night.

So there it is. Night 1. Can't believe I'm saying this after watching a girl in a shark costume prance around the house making dolphin calls all night, but nothing crazy in the first episode. Other than sending Ida Marie home, Nick made the expected picks. And then your typical girl drama as everyone got pissed at the girl who kissed Nick first, but a surprising lack of behind the back shit talking. The one thing I'll never understand is when the shy girls who sit on the couch drinking get rattled because they don't get enough alone time with the Bachelor. Those girls obviously don't watch game film before coming on the show because no one ever gets anywhere with the Bachelor by sitting back and waiting for him to come to them when there's 20+ other girls in the house. If you wanna win this thing you gotta be on the attack from day one.

Nick should have a fun season though. Heard a lot of the girls say how they're lonely so that should pay dividends for Nick's hookup game. Loneliness, competition, and alcohol. What a combination.

Thanks for reading and we'll see ya next Monday.

xoxo

Bach Tracker

PS if you got my Michael Strahan reference for Rachel, kudos to you